Best Intentions
by PinkFan-Gurl
Summary: Lizzy knows that there's something holding him back, consuming him. (cielizzy)


"Wait."

Ciel's small, breathy protest halted her. Their faces were so close, lips inches apart, and her face felt warm from his breath. Lizzie pulled away from him, unsure of what was wrong. "What's wrong, Ciel?" Lizzie asked gently.

No one was around; Lizzie had arrived at the Phantomhive estate the day prior and had planned on returning home the same day, but she ended up spending the night at the manor at the insistence of Sebastian. That morning she joined Ciel in his sitting room for a round of chess. Between Ciel's smug expression from winning and Lizzie's protesting for a rematch, the intensity got out of hand until they had been nearly on top of each other..

Now Lizzie was no stranger to being up close to Ciel; she tended to be up in his face, not in malcontent of course, but because she was excited. But this time, her voice caught in her throat and her eyes dilated when she saw how nose-to-nose they were. Ciel had grown a lot in the last year, and at fourteen he now stood at the same height that she did. He was still scrawny, but he had filled out to having thicker arms and a more defined jaw just as his father did.

But what really made her heart stop was the way his eyes had focused in on her face, never blinking or look away. It was almost like he was finally taking a good look at her for the first time since escaping that cult. She'd known for a while that he'd been holding himself back, but right now he looked like he was finally ready to give in and accept his feelings. The moment seemed perfect seeing as no one was around, so she closed the gap between them until they were inches apart...when he said _wait_.

Ciel's cheeks were bright pink, whether it was from embarrassment or from the ungodly heat she wasn't quite sure. "I'm not sure we should be doing this," he turned abruptly, covering his face with his hand.

Lizzie giggled into her palm. "I'm not angry Ciel," she assured him, "but it's not like it's a bad thing to like your fiancée."

Ciel scoffed slightly, his body rigid. He still didn't look at her, instead choosing to direct his gaze out of the grand windows along the wall. "On the contrary," his voice was firm, but it lacked it's usual coldness, "it's a terrible thing that I've let you grow so close to me."

Lizzie's stomach flipped at his words, but she tried to keep her face straight. "What are you trying to tell me?" When he didn't say anything, she strode up to him. She reached out to touch his arm, but hesitated. "Ciel?" she said barely above a whisper, "please talk to me."

"You wouldn't understand, Lizzie, nor would I want you too. It's nothing that a lady should hear."

This time Lizzie jumped in front of him so that they were face-to-face, her eyes boring into his blue one. "What's this about? If this is something about being the Queen's watchdog, then I don't care! I don't care what you've done! Don't you see?"

"Lizzie, stop this." Ciel took a step to the side to walk around her, but Lizzie stepped along with him in what looked like a stiff dance. "Elizabeth."

"I love you, Ciel." Lizzie kept her eyes level at him, pouring everything she could into the words. Most of the time he blew her off when she professed her love to him, but at this moment in time, she needed him to realize that she didn't say it because she was brought up to, but because she _did_ love him. "I love you with all my heart."

Ciel's lips quivered slightly until finally he frowned at her. "I know you do. Which is why I push you away. I don't," he paused for a moment, "I've done things that make me undeserving of you."

Lizzie smiled sadly, the taste of salt on her lips. She hadn't noticed that she had started crying. "I said that I don't care about the watchdog nonsense—"

"—you don't understand." Ciel smiled bitterly. "I'm worse than a dog. More of a demon you could say."

Lizzie cupped his cheek, surprising her slightly when he didn't pull away. Slowly she caressed her thumb against his eyepatch, making his breath catch and then his face blanked. "It's this," she whispered, isn't it?"

Ciel turned away from her again. "Sebastian," she realized slowly, "was with you when you came back. Oh, Ciel, what happened?"

"It's none of your bloody business!" Ciel raised his voice, whipping towards her sharply.

Lizzie stumbled back in surprise, then righted herself. "How do you expect me to help you if you don't tell me what you did?"

"I don't _expect_ you to help me!" Ciel snapped. Lizzie felt her legs buckle beneath her. Ciel crossed his wrists behind his back. "Besides, what I've done and haven't done are my sins to bear alone."

Lizzie watched him closely, debating on whether or not to storm out of the room for a good cry like she wanted too. He was trembling slightly as he glared at her; it made her heart hurt so much to see him struggling with himself so much. All she wanted was for him to be happy, but he made it awfully hard for her to help when he was trying to protect her all of the time….

"I don't need your protection, Ciel." Her words were steady and crisp, and for a second she wondered if it was actually her own voice she was hearing. Ciel's expression dampened for a moment before he glared again, but Lizzie cut him off before he could open his mouth. "Not if it means that you can't look at me the same way anymore," she amended.

"Whatever do you mean?" He snapped, brushing his bangs out of his face. "As far as I'm concerned, I've never seen you as more than a little girl. A dumb, silly child."

"You don't mean that and I know it!" Lizze stormed up to Ciel, making sure to put on the most stubborn frown of her life as she stared at him. He snorted at her, but she caught his face in her hands and forced him to look at her.

"Listen," she softened her voice, "whatever you did, you did to _survive_. Whatever you're blaming yourself for, it's not your fault. And whatever it is you're trying to protect me from, don't do it." She blinked back the tears that were starting to form. "Because I don't want you to push me away again. I'm with you."

Ciel's hands made their way to her waist, but whether it was intentional or subconscious on his part Lizzie wasn't sure. She did know that she liked the feeling though, of his hands pulling her closer to him. "You're with me, eh?" he murmured, his eye roaming her face.

"Always."

Lizzie closed the gap between them, and this time she was met with no resistance from Ciel. At first, he stayed still as he allowed her to kiss him gently, but then his hands tightened around her waist and he surged forward. Lizzie released a small gasp when she felt his tongue slide against her mouth, but she eagerly allowed him entrance.

He tasted sweet, which caught her by surprise for some reason; probably because he always had a cold glimmer to him that often made others nervous. It hardly mattered though because this was the blissful moment she had been waiting for since childhood.

Ciel broke the kiss first, out of breath. His bright red cheeks betrayed how shy he was now, but Lizzie smile as she panted softly, her arms still looped around Ciel's neck, holding him close. "I've waited a long time for that you know," she teased, leaning her cheek against his shoulder.

Ciel snorted. "Silly girl."

The gentle caress of her curls that followed, however, reassured her that he had been waiting a long time too. Lizzie smiled.

"I am silly aren't I?"

...

6/7/17


End file.
